It is So Easy– All you need is a pandemic to forbid you doing your normal work that makes you travel all the time, to have learned who your husband really is and that you love him, enough.
It is So Easy– After years of therapy and 12-step meetings, of kicking and screaming and wishing and wanting, to uncover that your biggest fear is that you are inherently unlovable; to challenge that and finally know that it’s only you who’s been unable to love you. Everything else is a projection, illusion or misunderstanding.
It is So Easy– It only takes 35 years of practicing Alexander Technique to understand how it’s not about the goal but the getting there, that to become aware is in itself the prize, and to feel in the gut that the longing for home is what keeps you from realizing you are home; that home is in you.
It is So Easy– It only takes a pile of miserable relationships, years of banging your head against the wall begging the wall to love you, to find out the patterns of your youth don’t really keep you safe; that finding people who confirm you aren’t worth it is a futile exercise; that in the end no one really knows much more than the other.
It is So Easy– All you need is trust. But now, finally, you begin to understand that you’ve never trusted; that your parents never trusted and neither your grandparents…who should you have learned this from?
It is So Easy– All it takes is years of singing, performing, trying to find beauty in your voice when the beauty is in the communication with an open heart, and a heart can’t open when it fears being judged.
It is So Easy– To feel happiness, if you know that it will pass and return and pass and return…that you don’t need to endlessly prove your worth to be one among the tribe, even if that tribe continually changes.
It is So Easy – If you don’t try to be chosen or special, that to give love and attention to another, and the hurt child within, to be of some kind of service, even giving a smile behind the mask to a stranger, is more than enough.